My Blog : My Blog

password for my new blog

2008-04-19T13:38:06Z

if someone need the password for my new blog, just ask with the comment function

greetings

new blog ;)

2008-04-18T00:41:35Z

so just made a new blog, think it's better than this :)

www.chazty.myblog.de

have fun kiss kiss

Who??

2008-04-16T19:36:39Z

well, i'm happy that my blogposts got a couple of views but may i know who read it? *lol* cause there just about 5-8 peep got this link and i wonder..

another thing: i'm thinking of changing my blog (again) cause i don't like overblog - blogieren, too... i want myblog.de but sometimes it's spinning around... hm.. i'll let you know if i wanna change it..

so there's nothing more to report..

nice week to ya

something important i have to say...

2008-04-12T19:30:00Z

well, this is an entry that i have to write in german for 3 special friends in my life:

DENIZ, TOBI und MARCUS (wenn �berhaupt einer von denen das lesen sollte!): ich werd mich NIE WIEDER um ein treffen mit euch k�mmern. ja, NIE WIEDER. ich werd mich auch in zukunft gar nicht mehr melden, ja, GAR NICHT mehr. es kommt eh nie was zu stande!

DENIZ: wenn man sich kurzfristig mit ihr treffen m�chte, sagt sie:''nein, es ist zu kurzfristig!'' und wenn man MIND. 1 woche vorher fragt, wird es ihr mal wieder nicht erlaubt.. ich meine, wie oft sehen wir uns im jahr? da kann man sich doch schon ein paar ausreden suchen oder wenigstens mal sagen: "WIR HABEN UNS SEIT FAST EINEM JAHR NICHT MEHR GESEHEN." ja ich wei�, zum gr��ten teil kann sie ja nichts daf�r, da bin ich ihr auch nicht soooo b�se, aber es ist bis jetzt, so weit ich mich erinnere, auch noch nie passiert, dass sie mich mal anruft UND fragt, ob ich mal zeit hab und mich mal mit ihr treffen m�chte..

TOBI: jeder wei�, dass tobi ein arschloch ist und ich wei� auch nicht warum ich ihn so mag. seit der sache mit den nummern hab ich ihn sowieso aus meinem herz geschlossen. auch einer, der nie zeit hat, f�r eine angeblich 'wahre beste freundschaft'. er w�rde nicht einmal darauf kommen, sich wenigstens mal zu melden.

MARCUS: ich wei� nicht wie ich mit ihm fertig werden soll. mir kommt es so vor, als w�rde er kaum lust haben, �berhaupt sich mal mit mir zu treffen und wenn er keine lust hat soll er das schon sagen, ich werd ihn ja nicht t�ten daf�r. den mumm dazu sollte man haben, aber das ist reine vermutung. auch einer, der sich wirklich KAUM meldet. wenn ich ihn anrufe, und frage ob er mal zeit hat, hat er das kaum. und auch er w�rde, wenn er mal zeit hat, nicht drauf kommen, mich anzurufen, und fragen, ob wir uns mal sehen wollen, es sei denn, er w�re grad bei irgendeinem kumpel, der bei mir in der n�he wohnt. -.-

ja, es muss in einer wahren freundschaft nicht so sein, dass man sich dauernd sieht, aber das man sich wenigstens 3x im jahr sieht, ist doch nicht zu viel verlangt oder??

und eine der ausreden die ich zur zeit wirklich nur noch HASSE, richtig abgrundtief, ist: "ich habe keine zeit."

leute, man wird doch wohl eine minute zeit haben, wenigstens mal ne sms zu schreiben um zu gr��en. und wenn ihr kein geld auf dem handy habt: es gibt das wunderbare internet! wenn ihr schon mehr als ne halbe stunde am pc verbringen k�nnt, k�nnt ihr auch eine minute mal f�r mich verschwenden!

ich sehs nicht ein, warum ICH die einzige bin, die versucht unsere freundschaft zusammen zu halten, die immer versucht, euch allen anzurufen, um ein termin auszumachen, wann wo etc. und wenn nur einer an dem tag nicht kann, muss das immer so verschoben werden, bis es klappt und das hab ICH die ganzen jahre fast(!) immer gemacht, dieses rumtelefonieren zwischen marcus-tobi-deniz. ich frag mich echt, ob wir uns �berhaupt mehr als 3x von der schulzeit bis jetzt sehen w�rden.

wenn sich kein schwein von euch in den n�chsten tagen meldet, hat auch keiner von euch es von mir verdient.

ja, das ganze, mich um treffen etc zu k�mmern war nicht meine pflicht. ich MUSS es nicht machen. aber die freundschaft war mir nun mal wichtig und wenn in den n�chsten tage nichts passiert, sage ich lebt wohl, ich hab auch noch andere freunde, die mir mehr geben k�nnen..

wo wir bei freundschaften sind:

JESS: ich muss dir echt mal danken, dass du immer da warst, selbst wenn du keine lust hast, mir zuzuh�ren, es trotzdem gemacht hast und mir auch nicht gef�hl gegeben, es w�r dir egal in dem du zb einfach das thema wechselst und darauf wartest, bis ich selbst das merke und tue. ich bin froh dich zu kennen, ohne dich w�re mein jetziges leben total langweilig, die n�chte im caf� mit dir und co. waren immer lustig. hab dich ganz doll lieb! auf die liebe, auf die ewige freundschaft!

DEE aka IGGY: ich muss sagen, er muss sich schon viel von mir gefallen lassen. so zickig ich zu ihm bin, hab �fters, wenn er es auch nicht gemerkt hat, meine schlechte laune an ihm ausgelassen. dee ist auch einer, der immer zuh�rt und daf�r danke ich dir! hab dich lieb =)

da gibts noch jemanden, aber ich wei� echt nicht, ob ich sauer sein soll oder nicht: JANINE! ich mag sie so sehr, aber leider gibt es etwas, was ihr leben ein bisschen ruiniert hat und mich st�rt es einfach, dass sie uns nach rat fragt, den rat aber nicht akzeptiert und dann pl�tzlich sauer ist, aber es nicht sagt. sie versucht nicht mal sich selbst zu helfen und wenn sie das nicht tut, dann kann ihr auch kein anderer helfen. ich hoffe, diese freundschaft geht nicht zu bruch. das w�r zu schade.. mit ihr konnte man auch so viel spa� haben. will die alte janine zur�ck!

noch eine, die nicht mal meinen bloglink hat, weil ich mir unsicher bin: JULE. so eine liebe, lustige freundin und eine, die auch immer zuh�rt. ich kenn sie nicht gut, aber ich mag sie total. wir haben uns den sommer schon so toll ausgemalt, wenn sie in berlin ist: saufen, saufen und saufen. mit ihr kann man einfach feiern und spa� haben, das ist das gute, da geh�rt schlechte laune einfach nicht hin. =)

so, ich hoffe, das wird mein erster und letzter eintrag auf deutsch sein, denn schlie�lich flucht und schimpft man ja nur auf der muttersprache! ;)

kiss kiss

i remember the time...

2008-04-09T13:51:47Z

i watched some videos of marcus, deniz tobi and me again and i have to say, that i loved the time.. we're always having fun, drinking, smoking and chilled from a2p.. and always about 4am we realized that we've no cigs and have to buy.. and every night when we're all together there is a big duscussion mostly about tobi.. and sex.. it's a biiiiiig subject in this group.. don't know why but we're always telling funny stories etc.

one night tobi was so rediculous, he told me that he want to f* me.. hahaha.. well, he wanted that since the first day of our friendship but heeeelllll! it could destroy our friendshp and above all he isn't my type.

another funny thing was, when we made a homeparty and marcus fell asleep, he talked in sleep. we were laughing our ass off, it was great.. he was just babblering senseless things and kissed his arms, tried to lick his nose and he cried at the end. hilarious! but when he woke up of course he forgot everything.

well, it WAS a great time but i know lotsa things changed, and sadly things will never be the same again.

take care

great night...

2008-04-06T05:01:00Z

hey guys,

really had a great night.. at first i was bored the whol day, just slept til Xpm, then ate something, was online and slept again! when i woke up i just thought i can't stay home and do absolutely nothing so i asked jess to go to the black caf� and it was a good choice. we just sat there and chilled, and pepper and emo were there. it was great cause they're both funny guys.

first funny thing was, when i told pepper that we have to go to toilet he just looked at me and said: ''you BOTH have to go to toilet?!'' and i grinned and said: ''YEAH we BOTH!'' haha great.. another funny thing with emo.. just went smoking and he stood at the bar and he said ''bye'' and we told him, that we come back and he: ''oh no!'' or something like that. tzz.. then he came out and we smoked together.. and talked bout that night, when there was the disappointment bout master and he cared me (one of an entry) and he told me that i was agressive.. hell i did'nt mean that! ^^ he's so nice and always have stuff to talk about. and yeah, also talked about me-drink and drunk! haha.. he said that he alwas see me in his beginning of the shift ordering alcohol.. and at the end of the shift saying: 'one more!!' - hell, i'm not so bad as he's saying! tz..

aaaw and another so fucking damn cute thing: when we paid, pepper came with the bill, jess gave him 2€ tips and before i also gave him 2€ tips i asked him what's his name and he said FRITZ.. and i just thought WTF? but he was just kidding ^^ then he just looked at the money with that big brown eyes and said: ''woah GOOOLD!'' haha.. great! he told us to come back, and i told him that he told us to come back the last time, when we were there and he just thought bout it and after seconds he said: AAAAAH i remember! then he kissed our hands goodbye and that was so fucking damn cute! a real gentlemen =D

really was a great night, we had fun, even when we miss the vampires!

looking forward to visit the caf� next week! :D

take care!

can't be bothered...

2008-04-02T22:16:29Z

really don't know what to tell but i think i shold try?

got headaches now, i'm tired and i have to work tomorrow.. =( hell.. it's really hard.. i've no success and no success = no motivation!

well, at the moment i'm feeling lonely. i'm just falling into my day and nightdreams, not available and always invisible.

think it's enough.. i have nothing to say and i'm not in that mood to say or write something..

so take care and dr�m sk�n!

everything weird...

2008-03-31T23:47:45Z

it was the last show of tdv yesterday and hell!! what a great show. loved it and it was really sad.. we were just crying the whole time... and i saw mathias.. one of the cutest person ever and it was great to see him.. just see him two or three times a year..

so after the show we sat in the motel and later we decided to go to black caf�. it was nice but it was a weird atmosphere..

then jess and janine just looked at me, didn't know why, their eyes are just telling something, i looked to the right and guess who i say! master! he looked at me and smiled he didn't say hello or bye.. but he was soo handsome.. hell.. wasn't that handsome before. really liked it..

"antoher" thing.. you know, i'm trying to forget master.. it was my first day at work today and i met lotsa new people. at the end i was talking to two guys a lot and guess what's his name! the same as master! i just looked weird and he asks, if everything's okay and i just sad, i made bad experience with people with that name. but he was nice. a bass player and we talked a lot. promised him to give him my autograph of children of bodom cause he's a great fan.

and tomorrow i begin work at 7:30 am.. i really don't want to but i have to.. i'm tired..

so go to bed now.

take care and drink a lot! ;D

hm..

2008-03-30T15:00:00Z

it was the tdv farewell party yesterday and yeah.. it was in a bunker and the atmosphere was for the first moment scary but great. the alcohol was low priced, so i could drink bit more ;D i forgot the most, what we were talkin about, just know it was funny and i was talking shit all the time.. someone said, that i'm drunk but don't think so.. not after a whisky coke and an alster!

then haldor, silvano and andrea came, it was halors birthday so we sang a birthday song..

i like the toilet, looked scary and was decorated with spiders, cobwebs and branches..

the greatest part of the night was, when we had a crazy photo session. we were just laughing bout stupid poses..

oh hell.. think you realize, i can't remember a lot! music was okay. the bartender were cool.. they put a lot of alcohol in the cocktail for me.. me caipirinha was horrible! mixed it with coke =D

well don't know what to tell.. i'm bored. the others are in the tv show and i'm in the motel one..

i blog later after the last tdv show tonight. m gonna cry =(

take care1 keep your noodles hanged and stay dry

kisskiss

i'll make it!

2008-03-28T02:14:00Z

so, master was online! but do you think he'd hit me back? no! hell, i hate him for doing all this to me!

i really try to forget him, and try to ignore all the dreams of him, try to forget it and yeah.. it may work, don't think too much bout him but i always have a sick feeling when i listen to sad music..

but i try, try and try! well in such situations i always try to be strong, and i think i am as long as i have my friends. but what shall i do, when he responses in a week or something?

but i'll make it. i know it, and all my friends know, if someone hurt me bad, i hate him for the rest of my life until he apologized.. even all of this: still hope that we could be friends, cause i planned a trip to england and he's real cute and.. yeah.. HARR, haha! wanna visit blackpool, manchester, liverpool, london and oxford and he told me that he moves to oxford and i really hope to see him..

you may realized: got random feelings.. maybe i really love him? or it turned to hate? or maybe i just need a man?

another thing: i don't know what i should think about my real best friends, i have 6 years or something ago. there are three: deniz, tobi and marcus and deniz is the only one who would get in touch with me by herself. but to talk to marcus or tobi i ALWAYS, really ALWAYS have to phone to them to talk to them.. I have to get in touch with THEM, they even don't think about phoning ME or just write a message somewhere. there are so many alternatives: msn, sms, e-mail, phone.. especially tobi.. tobi is one of the biggest disappointment this year. he has a second chance, but i think he doesn't know and if something like this happens again, i'll never call him a friend. it just would mean that i'm unimportant.

so, now i have this week of and next week i've to work every day and keep your fingers crossed for me that i'll make it.. work in a callcenter and have to phone 5 hours to people i don't know. but the main thing is that i get my money! shopping, shopping shopping and PARRRRTY!! yeah.. i think in the first month i'd throw my money away in every shop and caf�.

and another thing you don't know: i'll move out in summer, hope to charlottenburg but everyone knos: it's EXPENSIVE ther so i hope to have a flat share with janine and jess. it HAVE TO work..

so, after all i feel good now.. can't sleep but have to passe the pc to my bro cause he has got some homework to do.

see you and take care! keep your noodles hanged and stay dry!

i dreamt...

2008-03-26T23:00:00Z

so, i'm bored.. maybe i can tell you two dreams i had from master?

the first was, he told me his farther died and have to leave the next day and i just sat there with him and cried.. then he asked me, why i didn't tell him before.. i think it was a 'bling' that lets him know that i love him..

the second dream: on that day when he had to leave i met up with him at hauptbahnhof but somehow it looked like ostkreuz.. i stood there, waited for him, there he was.. totally ugly with a weird jacket but i didn't care. he was just talking and talking and i forget everything but somehow he put his arm around me, and when we waited there for the s-train, he hugged me and we just cuddled.. felt well in his arms, didn't want to wake up.. well, have to and when i woke up, i remember his eyes.. his eyes and i think this dream told me that i can't be lucky with him even if he would stay, but people who know me, know, that i don't care. if i want something i have to get it and i don't care about the consequences.

maybe that's why deecan always think i always get the person i love. but dee, sadly i have to say i don't, of course i don't. if i'd always get the person i want, i'd be perfect but i'm not and nobody and nothing is. eeeeeven i have to say, there was nobody yet who really turned me down. okay, maybe one person but i think he was the only one. i don't know why cause i just was two weeks with him in a relationship. but it was one of the badest time i had, well, master topped it.

i can tell so much right now but i don't know what.. think it's better for me to go to sleep, but first i have to phone to dee.

geht kacken ihr schweinebacken or

have a crap you butthead

;)

after saying goodbye

2008-03-26T19:34:00Z

farewell.. i really wondered that i didn't cry.. maybe it's because i know, he'll stay till april... (he had his last shift in this caf� yesterday).. i try to keep the best memories and forget the bad..

i was drunk.. drank too much and still feel the alcohol. i feel prickles in my hands and feet.. still have a cold and my voice is dead and i have to work tomorrow in a callcenter! how shall i do this with that shitty voice? hell.. but i have to. i need the fuc.king money...

and i miss janine.. forunatly she's back to town today. janine is one of my best friends and of course jess. they were the only one who really listened to me, understood my problems und always were there when i needed a shoulder to lean on.

after that big disappointing with tobi i'm really proud to know my girls.

so cheers, my dears. *adL*

goodbye

2008-03-25T21:00:00Z

so, i think i just start with a songtext which is from 'the phantom of the opera' and describes how i feel actually.

"think of me, think of me fondly when we've said goodbye.

remember me once in a while, please promise me you'll try.

when you find, that once again, you long to take your heart back and be free.

if you ever find a moment, spare a thought for me."

people you've to know for this entry (just nicknames):

1. master

2. emo

master will leave and i really hope he'd spare a thought for me but i don't think that this is possible... hell.. he's a MAN! and sadly someone who flirts with everyone.

but funny to know that emo realized that. i don't know him and saw him the 2nd time today. but just one look and he knew everything. i felt that.. have to say, emo is nice. real nice cause he cared for me. and after seeing master, i just have to take one look at emo and i smile.. it's weird but you know this feeling, when you see someone and you just think that he's an old good friend.

i'm invited to masters farewell party, just told him that i can't be there cause of another party and i don't know anyone there.. i don't wanna sit there alone and talking to noone.. i really made bad experience. am waiting for a response, he was online but didn't reply. now i try the best to forget him cause after all i can't and don't wanna be hurt anymore by seeing him flirting with 1423423 other girls. (well who wants to?)

so keep your fingers crossed for me!